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Approximately three years ago, TLS presented a video from Rabbi Yisroel Lichtenstein who used blocks to present the Shidduch Crisis issue to many Rabbonim who signed a Kol Kora asking boys to begin dating at a younger age. A new video was now released, titled the 4 Questions: 1. Bashert 2. Halacha 3.
I find it funny, and sometimes ridiculous, to pose these types of questions on a date, making it almost like a job interview. My friend disagrees and is a proponent of asking interview-type questions. In essence, there are two primary elements which need to be discerned while on a date: harmony of personality, and consonance of outlook and life-goals.
And the vehicles used to make these determinations — verbal expression, and intellectual and emotional data mining and processing — are perhaps the most personalized mediums known to humankind. Accordingly, there are some who prefer to gather and sift through information conversationally and casually; others who favor a more formal, albeit direct, question and answer format; and yet others who are partial to dramaturgical displays and abstract absorption and analysis.
There is only the manner which allows for each individual to commodiously and confidently collect and comprehend communications in order to make proper adjudications.
Five Things Orthodox Singles Can Do To Combat The ‘Shidduch Crisis’
Don’t be afraid to ask questions and suggest things, since it’s possible that the shadchan may have ruled our something for you based on a misperception or.
I am the mother of a great boy, and no one understands why someone like him is still unmarried. I think I know what the problem is, and please tell me if I am right. But first I want to tell you about him. He learned full-time for a few years, and now he is in college, where he also continues to learn. My husband and I thought that he would be married by 23 at the latest. But here he is at 29, still single. He gets suggestions for girls, but not like everyone makes it out to be.
I think people exaggerate. The main problem is that young kids today think that they are not allowed to date more than one person at a time. For example, if my son gives a yes to a girl, she might be busy. Then when she becomes free, he gets busy. But no one ends up going out with the person they were supposed to, because they gave a yes to someone else. And then the same thing happens all over again with other suggestions. What is this — a job interview?
What Does It Mean to Be Single and Orthodox in America Today?
So… What work do you do? And it better be interesting. How do you like to spend your free time? Romantic comedy or action? Me too!
The Shidduch is a system of matchmaking in which Jewish singles are introduced to one In Orthodox Jewish circles, dating is limited to the search for a marriage Some use this opportunity to actually ask each other pertinent questions.
Not so long ago you were hoping to meet Mr. During the dating process your parents were largely on the sidelines only stepping in to plan the wedding. Fast-forward 25 or 30 years. You and your husband are very different from the young couple who stood under the chuppah all those years ago. But what exactly are you supposed to be doing? Does he have a clear idea of who he is and what he wants? What are his strengths? His goals? His interests and needs in both ruchniyus and gashmiyus?
Where does he see himself in six months a year five years? Before he even thinks about what he wants in a spouse he should have these answers down pat. These are questions you should consider asking yourself too.
For years I have been urging the greater Torah-observant community to discard the sort of questions that are typically asked of singles in the shidduch scene. By now it is probably unnecessary to elaborate and provide copious examples of these questions; we all know what I’m talking about. Indeed, it has been gratifying to see it become more mainstream for people to speak out about “crazy questions” and for popular opinion to begin to shift accordingly.
Same stupid questions/comments that we all know, as well as some new Share the dumbest questions you’ve had or heard in the Orthodox shidduch dating.
This site was created out of a deep desire to help others in the Mid-Atlantic areas experiencing the challenges of shidduch experience. Most shidduch sites are geared towards singles in the magic triangle of New York and New Jersey, and are of limited to utility to Jews in the Maryland, Virginia, Delaware, D. Event listings are almost always in New York or New Jersey, shadchanim listed are almost exclusively located far away – ultimately, there was nothing out there for the local Jewish singles in these areas to support their efforts to find their bashert.
Even something as seemingly simple a finding how to contact the local shachanim in the area often proved an ordeal. So, to adddress the challenges of the Mid-Atlantic Orthodox observant single, I created this site to gather together all sorts of useful information for the shidduch-dating single, to help ease the shidduch experience and increase our chances of success. Also, in keeping with the dictum that when one prays for another with the same need, the supplicant’s need is answered first, I figured quite selfishly :- , that by helping others in my same position to find their spouse, perhaps I would merit the same same.
See below. Why does this site only contain Mid-Atlantic area information? There are a deluge of sites focussed on the New York and New Jersey area, and it is a simple matter to find out information about them. This site is geared to the less available information about the Mid-Atlantic region, as it relates to shidduchim. Everything on the site is from that perspective. Although the occasional non-local site or event is included, it is only non-local sites that have local relevance such as shidduchim sites with regional membership and like who made the cut.
Rather than overload the site with excess information, by limiting the site’s scope, it is hoped that it will result in a better, more relevant focus and, therefore, a better site.
Yated Shidduch Forum 1/18/19: How Should I Ask Questions on a Date?
It is often the boy who decides where the couple should go. If she doesn’t have a plan in mind, he can present her with his suggestions. Girls prefer to know in advance the type of activity they’ll do on the date so that they can dress appropriately, e. Boys are expected to lead the conversation; therefore, it is a good idea for them to have a few conversation topics prepared in advance.
In an article that went viral last year, Mandy Len Catron described how she found love by using research from a scientific study on developing emotional closeness. The study Aron, et al. In what way? Similarly, in some Orthodox Jewish circles, it has become popular for women and men to use cards with exploratory questions during their dating process. Toward the beginning of a relationship, daters sometimes try to determine if they are a match for each other by asking questions that address emotional aspects a person.
Another way that dating pairs use those questions is if they have been dating already but do not feel that they are developing an emotional connection. They try to jump-start a relationship by using inquisitive questions similar to the ones suggested in the study and printed on cards. Most dating couples that use the cards find them to be of little help.
Similarly, there are reports of individuals and groups that have tried to use these questions on a large scale, such as in a sizable gathering of potential daters, to no avail. What happened? Were Arthur Aron and his colleagues mistaken? Is the research ancient and no longer applicable?
Is It Just Cold Feet?
While the dating approach in most segments of the frum community is intended to ensure a thorough assessment of suitability between two people, there are important areas of compatibility which tend to be overlooked. Multiple levels of checking are completed before the couple even meets. Often, however, there are significant flaws in how the dating process is handled, and frequently-critical considerations get simply left out of the equation.
Parents usually initiate the conversation by asking a few questions before the date. One practice is to have five minutes of talk before the first.
Q I recently read you book Finding and Keeping your soul mate. I enjoyed it a lot and I have a few questions. I am so devastated by this, and having a hard time moving on. What is the right approach? Q I wanted to thank you for the shiurim they help me gain clarity and understanding. In terms of shidduchim, I really liked the Mr. Potato Head analogy. I understand that Hashem has a certain person in mind, and that we should be looking for him, instead of the imaginary person we are all creating in our minds.
However, that left me feeling that we should just go out with anyone, and if it feels good, then we should go for it. Once again, thank you I learned so much from the shiur and I am extremely happy that I heard it. Q I have a question pertaining to shiduchim and I was wondering if you were able to perhaps give some insight on the matter.
I am currently dating a girl and BH things are going well so far and things are beginning to get more serious.
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Asking the Tough Questions. Long before your child’s first date he needs to do some serious introspection. Does he have a clear idea of who he.
In Orthodox Jewish circles, dating is limited to the search for a marriage partner. Both sides usually the parents, close relatives or friends of the persons, and the singles themselves, involved make inquiries about the prospective partner, e. A shidduch often begins with a recommendation from family members, friends or others who see matchmaking as a mitzvah , or commandment. Some engage in it as a profession and charge a fee for their services. Usually a professional matchmaker is called a shadchan , but anyone who makes a shidduch is considered the shadchan for it.
After the match has been proposed, the prospective partners meet a number of times to gain a sense of whether they are right for one another. The number of dates prior to announcing an engagement may vary by community.
The Dating Process
A young man and woman face each other across a table in a hotel lobby or other indoor venue, looking nervous and awkward. You can tell by the fact they are both neatly groomed, wearing freshly pressed clothes—stylish, but not overdone. Their shoes are shiny. They both sit up straight, no slouching.
Can we get engaged if we are not infatuated Q I recently read you book Finding and Keeping your soul mate. I enjoyed it a lot and I have a few questions.
There has been much written about the issue of Shidduchim or lack thereof over the last few years. Many have pointed their fingers at the statistical disproportion between the large number of girls and the shortage of boys. Others have blamed the age differential of when each gender begins dating. Others have claimed that not enough people are getting involved in actually suggesting matches. The list goes on, as we all painfully know.
Whichever reason you see as the crux of the matter, there is one issue which I feel compelled to point out here because of its great importance and yet its virtual neglect from public discussion. Perhaps it is this issue which is truly preventing people from coming together.