My best friend and her ex-boyfriend broke up several months ago. But I like him a lot. What should I do? Should I date him or not? This is a very complex situation that could put a strain on even the strongest of friendships. Ultimately, the decision is yours, but here are a few things to consider while contemplating the best way to handle the situation:. What do you girls think? Hey there, welcome to Project Inspired.
When Is It OK To Date My Friend’s Ex?
Please leave empty:. She took it fine and didn’t care too much. She was surprised but got over it.
If you’re gay, you will almost inevitably date a friend’s ex at some point. In fact, when we met, my now-partner was on a date with my best friend. Don’t try to keep your boyfriend and your bud from associating because.
As Certified Relationship Coaches, we often get an inbox on our website asking us for the politically correct answer, what are the rules? Overall, we agree it is a case-by-case situation and you should tread lightly. Ask yourself, is it worth the risk? Follow Us. Skip to content. Is this a childhood friend or someone you consider a best friend or sister? Would you be devastated if she never spoke to you again? Is your friend happy in her new relationship and has long moved on?
If this ex was someone that was a fling, a relatively short-term relationship and not the former love of her life, we would say proceed and see where things go Can you imagine if one of them is thinking in the back of their mind that they would be open to trying again if their current circumstances were different, i. A good question to ask is how did the relationship end and would either of them ever be open to trying again?
7 Times It’s OK For Your Partner To Be Friends With Their Ex & 7 Times It’s Definitely Not
F ew relationship questions are as polarizing as whether or not you should stay friends with an ex. Anecdotal evidence feeds arguments on both sides — but what do the experts say? Under no circumstances should a relationship that was abusive, manipulative or toxic transition into a friendship, Sussman says. One study , for example, found that friendships between exes were more likely to have negative qualities, and less likely to have positive ones, than cross-sex platonic friendships.
Anyone can say, ‘I don’t care if you date my ex,’ but you need to listen for sincerity. Indifference is the opposite of love.” A good way to gauge this.
It just sort of happened. In discussing this topic with my female friends, it seems to me that men are especially experienced in dealing with this dilemma. Say a friend of mine breaks up with so-and-so, and we run into her at a party. In some ways this is perfectly natural. This sort of stuff happens more than you might think. But you do need to make sure you go about this right. Anyone who has had any sort of meaningful romantic relationship can tell you that—over it or not—it would be difficult for them to be around their ex.
A buddy of mine recently mentioned that he might invite my ex to a party that we were going to and asked what I thought about that. Breakups require space. We all know the difference between a fling and something more. Why not go out with the other girls first?
It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex – and this is why
Ask us a question by sending one of us a DM, emailing write manrepeller. And you sank it. Maybe she still thinks about you too, tries to work everything out in her mind. No, it sounds to me like you miss her. So what are you going to do to get your friend back? Have I mentioned all this wreckage—the ship, the house—is your fault?
And some girls (the best friend) also agree and say something like “If they broke up on good terms, why wouldn’t I go out with my best friend’s ex?
You never think anything could breakup you and your best friend, but you could be wrong. Everyone has unspoken rules or guidelines around what is and is not okay to do in their friendship, otherwise known as bro or girl code. These guidelines might be as harmless as not giving unsolicited advice to more serious deal breakers like not abandoning your intoxicated friend at a party.
While we can all agree the ex-files is not territory we should be steering into, sometimes life happens and we fall for people unexpectedly. Beyond mutual unhealthiness, was their relationship abusive? If so, there are two things you should seriously contemplate:. Side Note: A history of violence or aggressive behavior is a huge red flag that should not be ignored.
Even if your potential partner is kind and loving at the start of the relationship and actively seeking counseling to curb their controlling and aggressive behavior there is always the possibility they will repeat past behavior. Before you proceed, be sure both parties your friend and their ex have had ample time to get over each other. Was the relationship serious? Serious relationships take time to get over. The last thing you want to do is start something with someone that has unresolved feelings for your friend or vice versa.
And when you do, pay attention to their body language and tone of voice.
Is It Okay to Hookup With a Friend’s Ex?
She and I were soul sisters, spoke on the phone for hours, had sleepovers all the time. She was my rock. She started to date this guy and four months after they broke up we started to see each other. Also, I knew so much about their relationship.
Boys are never worth fighting about, especially among best friends. Click here to see everything I learned when I dated my BFF’s ex-boyfriend.
Whether or not you believe your situation is an exception, you should always talk to your friend before making any crucial decisions. Unless you value your relationship with a guy more than your friendship, respect that your friend may not be thrilled you want to start dating her ex. On the other hand, it may matter to your friend or even yourself, so tread carefully if that’s the path you’re choosing to take.
Better yet, if she’s in another relationship and is seriously in love, it’s doubtful she’ll care too much if you want to date her ex. If this is the case, and your friend is still concerned, it’s best to stay away from the ex. Her hesitation is for a good reason. If you and your friend don’t regularly talk face-to-face, your dating habits may not get in the way of this friendship.
You’re Not a Bad Person for Wanting to Date Your Friend’s Ex, But You Need to Do It Right
Subscriber Account active since. Sometimes when you develop feelings they happen to be for your friend’s ex. But, pursuing these feelings might not always be worth it. Here are some potential red flags to consider if you’re trying to decide whether or not dating someone your friend has dated is a good idea.
Unless you value your relationship with a guy more than your friendship, respect that your friend may not be thrilled you want to start.
A young lady sent me a message last week asking for advice. She was angry that her friend recently started dating her ex boyfriend. She felt betrayed that her friend would even give her ex who broke her heart time to make his intentions known. She wanted to know if she was wrong for showing her friend the door even when she has never given her any reason to doubt her loyalty.
They believe this is something everybody knows, that they are just following the rules. Unfortunately, life is very unpredictable and your friend can end up falling in love with your ex. You just have to be open, honest and wise about your dealings with the two people involved in the matter and of course, follow some guidelines. The reverse is also true; no matter how much you love discussing your boyfriend with your girls, his ex can probably live without hearing the details of his current sex life.
This can be extremely tempting if they ended on bad terms and you know you will find a sympathetic ear. If you need to vent about one of them, find a neutral party. You need to respect boundaries without making assumptions. Remember that you can love them both without them necessarily having to enjoy each other.